Processing Nathaniel

One
You left and I am here
Cold and alone
Shaking with anticipation of what is to come.
Nothing left for me here.
Surrounded by your things
Comforting and familiar
Distasteful and somber
A morbid alter to your life.
Your bed provides a strange peace at this time.
The walls are closing in
Angry with my invasion.
I can’t see,
Can’t breath,
Just close my eyes,
Knowing you will wake me when it’s over.
I mustn’t scream,
Mustn’t breath,
Mustn’t cry for you.

Two
Hard sharp gasps
I’ve locked myself in
This airport bathroom
To purge my mind of you.
Want to scream
And stomp but
This airport bathroom
Is not the place for that.
So, elegantly restrained
Choked sobs of anguish
And silent tears in
This airport bathroom.


Three
I lie awake on this hard bed
Listen to the chatter of Geekos
And the abrasive hum
Of the air being frozen.
Across the world
Still thinking of you
Elaborate plans
Wishing you’d write
Wishing you’d find me here.

Four
I used to dream of you
But then
I also used to dream of;
Running in front of trucks,
Jumping off a bridge,
The one over the motorway,
The one by your house.
All things considered
I’d rather you left me alone.

Five
Whatever you think,
This is better.
I don’t do that anymore.